How He Broke Me

You were my best friend. I had nobody other than you nor did you. Until..

I remember us spending the whole day together. There was no start of the day without our laughter and our endless never ending jokes. We didn't care about the rest of the world, it was just me, you and our laughter. We used to fight too. But not for a long. We couldn't stay angry at each other for a long time. We felt incomplete without each other. It was such a blessing feeling for me, to have a best friend like him.  Everybody had their crooked eyes on us. But we never made an effort to care. Everything was going so well in our lives.  That on one such day, you started ignoring me. I don't know why. I felt so sad. I thought I did something that he is so changed. I even approached him. But he acted so strange. I think he was hiding something from me. However there was no such secrets and hidings between us. We enjoyed gossiping about everything, it was our fun activity. 

Late, but I discovered that you had found a new friend. And you were hiding this from me. I don't know why, but you did.

I felt so miserable. 
At first, I didn't know how to react because you were happy. I didn't bother you with any of my questions because the happiness of the new friend was quite relevant on your face. I was happy for you. But sad at the same time. It was like a mixed emotion for me.

I always wanted you to be happy. Whether it's with me or without me. But I never knew nor understood, why did you hid it from me. I still don't get it. I would not have judged you for making a new friend. 

I wanted to hear the truth from him. I wanted him to tell the exciting and new things happening in his life. I waited for a long, for him to tell me about his happiness. I still motivated my heart that one day he will tell me. But deep down I was heavy heartened that why not?? I still waited for you as a fool. Because I trusted my friend. I knew there would necessarily be some reason behind all this. I believed it's just a matter of time, and everything will be back to normal very soon. Nothing went as I assumed.
You slowly stopped talking to me, stopped hanging out with me and stopped calling me.
Whenever I approached you, you tried avoiding me. You think I don't understand things. But deep down I knew where things and relations were leading to. I was broke inside. My heart was grieving. I didn't know whom to share it with. That was a moment I realized, how helpless and alone I am. I wanted to cry. I wanted to die. But for whom? 
For someone, who didn't think of me once. Yes for someone like him I would. Because I loved my best friend. And I always will. 
I then started acting normal. I acted blind. And I acted as if nothing bothered me. I forcefully started talking to other people, because I had act normal and happy as before. But deep down only I knew, what I was going through.

One day, from somewhere I gathered the courage to ask him, what is up with him. All he told was "It's not as you are assuming. You are my bff. I love you. No one could ever replace you." I didn't ask him anything after that because I understood he didn't want me anymore. It was me who was in need of my old best friend. It was only me who wanted us to be back. He was carefree about me and he never thought what would I feel about all this. He was trying to hide the truth from me. 

Then for a couple of days, he came out with me. He spent some time with me. That time, many questions came up to my mind. But I did not care to ask anything because I was overwhelmed with him spending time with me. What I really care was of us. But it only lasted for 2 days. And from the third day, he was back with ignoring me. I felt so bad again. I was broken inside. I felt like a slap of reality on my face, which was shinned by a layer of silver colored paint which faded after 2 days. I felt like a kid, whose candy was flicked from her hand.

I was soo broken. Slowly we acted as strangers. We or at least I acted as if I never knew him. But there was a tension between us. Even being under the same classroom and roof the whole place was filled with tension.

It was really hard for me. I didn't want him to spend time with me like before. What I want is, you could at-least smile at me. Or you could at the minimum tell me the reason of being like this. You didn't have to ignore me, I would give you the space you needed. It was hard for me to face you everyday and act as if we never knew each other. I don't know how did he manage all this. I was all alone. I used to cry the whole night. I was completely destroyed. This finished me inside.

Our separation became a hot topic for discussion among everybody. I stopped talking to everyone. I started staying alone. Talk less. I used to cry to myself. I just hated everyone and the crowd. I wanted to stay away from the site of people. The people who always used to see me wit him, now saw me alone. I was questioned of being alone. I then feared people. I reached to a stage where I could feel nothing. I was scared to talk to anybody. I hated everything.

And still I am the same. I don't think I will ever change. Nor I have changed yet. It had broken me, I don't know, now for how long. 

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